she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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