hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
