Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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