I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i came on her dog
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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