it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
