Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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