i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
