Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
