like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
