Say something about gay babies.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
