She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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