3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
