Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
