gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my phone needs a breathalizer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
