He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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