i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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