Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
