Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
