Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
