God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
