who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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