So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
