I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
