Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
