I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
