so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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