I think my vagina is haunted
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if only i could text you this smell
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
