Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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