Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize