I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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