Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
