i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
