i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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