i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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