I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
