I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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