Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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