If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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