I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
