Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
