Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
