He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
