White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
