Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
