Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
