You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
