I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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