Swine flu. Run for my life!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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