Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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