Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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