I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
