so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize