I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
