I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your dad touched me again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
