Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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