"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
