Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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