one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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