he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
