This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
