she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
