I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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