If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
