If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
