I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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