there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize