Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
