I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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