he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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