Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
