I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize